This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
