my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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