The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
