i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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