If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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