His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
