11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sober January is a disaster.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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