my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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