you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
