i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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