what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
