she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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