just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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