So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
