You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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