i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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