i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
