You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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