Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
