I met the friendliest cop last night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All the doctor said was why
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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