Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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