Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
