OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
