i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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