So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
