I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
