I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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