So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
