party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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