and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
