He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
