I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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