i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
