Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
