I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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