I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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