O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
