its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
