Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
