his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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