Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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