Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
