I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I see more hoeing in ur future
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
