Duck Duck Cougar?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
