the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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