I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
