her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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