then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
