Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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