alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
